Wednesday, July 30, 2008

It’s a dream I had last night.. I remember it being so vivid and clear, it was really like I was there. I woke up, and I was actually.. shaking. O.o I just had to write it down.. I don’t know who it is. But it’s written in first person anyways.

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The lofty grass brushed gently against the skin of my legs as I walked through them, tickling it in the process. I was very aware of my surroundings, but not in a terrifying and weary way. It was delighting to venture in the forest, having the soft sound of birds chirping and the distant trickle of a stream hang in the air. This wall; this dense forest and seemingly high canopy made the real world seem to disintegrate without me even putting a single thought into it. It was obvious that I loved it.

As I continued through the dense trees, not really knowing where my path lead me, I immensely enjoyed it. Then I stopped briefly in the middle of one of my steps, pausing to view the small clearing in which I had stumbled upon. The small clearing allowed a small patch of sunlight to shine beautifully on the waving lofty grasses. This immediately drew my attention and my feet involuntarily walked directly in the sunlight. Sunny rays warmed my clammy skin, making me feel better and much more fresh.

The sound of a twig’s snap reached my ears. It was a delicate imbalance in the calming forest; it startled me greatly to hear such a sudden and sharp sound. My heart began pumping at increasing rate. I dare not move, not even turn around. My clammy hands stayed frozen and stiff at my sides. Whatever it or who it was, was advancing closer to me. I could feel a presence lingering for a spilt second before making it’s way closer.. Then it came to the point of light footsteps, delicately making it’s way across the forest floor. With this information, my mind began racing; who or what could it be? My first assumption was an animal. Deer? Only deer could so softly walk across the soil like this. But that also didn’t make sense; they were much too timid and shy to ever come near anything like this in the open. The steps began getting louder and much more closer, as I stood, rigid. I was beginning to think that this was ridiculous! Was I so scared that I wasn’t even willing to see what was advancing? Exhaling a small breath, I turned.

For one spilt second, my heart felt like it was mixed with a crazy adrenaline rush as my eyes rested on a boy. Once it was over, I could comprehend the details. His face was almost guilty-like. Like he had trespassed on someone’s territory and got caught. Thin, pale arms rested at his sides, rigid in place as well. I assumed they weren’t like that moments ago. My mouth opened slightly, attempting to form words. I was absolutely speechless. Surely I would have made some strange croaking noise from my throat if the lofty, pale boy had not spoken.

“Sorry for startling you.” His voice was husky, as it seemed to come from the edge of his lips. Very much like he was having difficulty getting the words out. I wasn’t sure if he was simply nervous, or really having troubles with his speech.
“No,.. It’s fine.” My tone had sounded startlingly clear and velvet compared to his. Even me, someone who was so startled and weary could clearly speak; the boy really was having trouble speaking. We remained silent for a while, his eyes timidly glued themselves to the floor, reluctant to speak or look at me. The tension was surprisingly light, however.
“What are you doing here? It’s unusual to find anyone here in the deep part of the forest. “ My question sounded pretty blunt and maybe even rude if not for the last sentence. His head shot up from its downward position, causing his surprisingly long blonde hair to wave.
“I come here a lot.” He answered simply. Then a troubled expression took over his face. “Am I intruding?”

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Eh.. don’t feel like writing—lost my muse. xP Next post, maybe? I edited a few things.. but everything about the boy, wasn’t changed. ^^” And just for a heads up, I’ll be leaving for vacation on the 31st! I won’t be back till five days later. Miss you guys!

6 comments:

Michelle said...

its ... creepy

Lizzy said...

An explanation would be very appreciative, Michelle. xP

Becca y Kelly said...

It's nice, but you need to be more descriptive! How old did the boy look? What was his hair color, what was he wearing, etc... That would give your reader a much better idea of who you stumbled across. :]

And, I don't think it's "creepy" but you shouldn't have stopped there! If you were making this short, then you should make it more...suspenseful, I guess. You could have ended it at "Exhaling a small breath, I turned." and add a "..." at the end to show that there's more coming. That way, your reader longs for more. (Not that we don't already. I really want to know what's going to happen)

Hmm, just a thought... Maybe in your next story(s), if there are more, then you should introduce your main character first and have the reader get to know them so they have an idea of how that character will respond in certain situations.

And, again, merely a suggestion, you should think of making at least one character lower in their vocabulary skills because, honestly, it would be odd to hear someone talk like that in a casual conversation. If you want, you can make that one have the highest vocabulary skills. Just don't make the dialog so "intense", I guess, but make it soft and casual.
The description is lovely, with the vocabulary and simplicity, though.

Here are just some questions for further parts of the story:
1. Are you adding names?
2. Will they want to see each other? If so, often? Will only one want to more than the other?


There is MUCH more that I'd like to add, but I think I'm writing too much already.

The story is wonderful and so suspenseful (to me). PLEASE, continue writing!

--becca :]

Lizzy said...

Wow.. o.o I applaud you for taking the time to write so much.. >.<

I agree with you on my issue with the dialouge.. it's a habit for me. lol. (Months of Harry Potter dialouge became a serious habit that stayed..) Okay, well, I think my characters are just gonna BE like that. xP With awesome vocabulary and stuff.. Well, the ones that are.. vital to the story anyways. >.<

And... I think I'm going to be starting it all over. Like, make it more of a story and less like a dream. Names will most definately be included.. xD

Unknown said...

I really liked it. I could pretty much picture it. Continue on this story!!! I like it better then the other one. Use ur imgination !! like spongebob

Lizzy said...

lol, Spongebob thinks of random things. xD And has great imagination.. for a sponge. o.o lol

Erm.. I kinda started on a a new story.. but it's based off my dream. SO, you'll kinda be getting a 'continuation'.. or something of the sort. I sorries.. I don't feel like writing the next part for some reason. xD